Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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