So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
i will never coherently bang her
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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