____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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