Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Randomize
