My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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