these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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