You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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