I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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