Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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