I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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