She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Randomize
