I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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