the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
