At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
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For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I'm at about main and main street
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
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Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Can you bring me the toilet please
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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