Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Randomize
