Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
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