she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
