i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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