I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Randomize
