i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
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