i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
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