I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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