You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
