I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
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