So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
