I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
