so that wasnt chicken after all
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
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