I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
