Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
