you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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