Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
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