Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
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kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
he just fucked me for my cheese.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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