Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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