He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
