Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
