Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
