So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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