I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
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