4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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