is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
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