mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
