I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
