i always forget guys have bellybuttons
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Randomize
