i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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