hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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