worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
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