I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
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