I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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