she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
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She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
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She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
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