I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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