Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
