sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
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