i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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