i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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