Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(608): View more from Wisconsin

I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over

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(731): View more from Tennessee

Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!

Fav 7 4224 1525
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(925): View more from California

At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way

Fav 5 1011 2139
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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.

Fav 10 1999 924
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(931): View more from Tennessee

I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.

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(704): View more from North Carolina

You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.

Fav 2 985 523
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(916): View more from California

There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE

Fav 2 1019 609
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(210): View more from Texas

Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.

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(914): View more from New York

There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?

Fav 0 24 77
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