If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
It's official drugs can't kill me
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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