just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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