I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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