were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Randomize
