Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
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