mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
