she looked like the bat from fern gully.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
