this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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