I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
PANTIES FOUND
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