Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
