Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
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