You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
