i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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