it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
My vagina is officially offended.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
