I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Randomize
