my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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