she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
