we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
