Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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