I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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