I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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