i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
